There is something about movies which focus on groups of friends with almost brotherly relationships that leaves me feeling cold and empty. ‘The friends you make at college will be the ones you make for life’ they say, well, I went to a crappy regional art college which was filled with wankers of a startling and almost impressive variety and so that saying doesn’t really apply to me. Still, I can appreciate that in America, things are a little more identikit and so amongst the fraternal structures of the American third level ‘education’ system, there are plenty of opportunities for young men to find companions of a similar ilk to form lifetime bonds with. Or maybe it’s all bullshit, who knows?
Either way, the quartet of immensely unlikable characters played by an immensely wide ranging group of actors (from the sometimes brilliant; Tom Jane and Rob Lowe, to the reprehensible; Jeremy Fucking Piven) are thrust into our faces from the opening credits. They may be almost fifty, but they still know how to party. They play loud late 80′s and early 90′s music (and an array of Sex Pistols soundbytes) and jump around the house a lot taking small mountains of drugs. It appears to be the perfect party, but what could possibly go wrong? I was hoping for a film akin to Very Bad Things (shut up, I like that movie), I was given something far different.
It transpires that this is a movie which concerns itself with the loss of youthful spirit. With the inevitable melancholia that perpetrates the mind after one reflects on the mistakes which one has made since the idyllic days of ones youth. Each man holds his own personal demons, his own failures and regrets which begin to emerge with all the subtlety of a chair up the anus. Speaking of which, Sasha Grey makes a pointless cameo in which she tries to act creepy and shows her boobs. Then there’s the endless scenes of drug taking and debauchery. The trouble is, taking drugs isn’t very debauched, for the simple reason that almost everybody does it these days. The downside being that people on drugs are incredibly annoying for people who aren’t. If this was the result they were going for then they achieved at least that part correctly.
There are some funny moments, Rob Lowe in particular stands out as a burnt out doctor who has lost his family, garbling lines such as ‘I miss pussy hair’ bring a smirk or to, but Piven is unwatchable as a babbling cokehead as it’s so easily imaginable that it’s exactly what he’s like in real life. It takes some really adolescent turns halfway through and degenerates into a steaming pile of horseshit which I only sat through out of contempt and stubbornness. I could try and be more eloquent about the subject matter but it can fuck off, it’s not a fraction as clever as it thinks it is and anyone who thinks that this is actually poignant, touching and insightful film making should consider signing up to attend my old art school as it’s full of other arseholes who will probably agree with you.
The swamps are always a good place for a spooky murder mystery. I was pretty much unaware that Texas had anything resembling a bayou, but upon pondering its close proximity to Louisiana (where the movie was actually filmed), I guess it makes perfect sense. Films about serial killers, mass murders and cookie crumb trail detective stories need to be well structured and presented if they are to exclude themselves from the gargantuan amount of already existing movies of a similar note. When done well, they can make for the most entertaining, thrilling and challenging stories which cinema has to offer. When they fail, they can be excruciating.
Texas Killing Fields falls somewhere in between. It contains brilliant performances from Jefferey Dean Morgan and Chloe Moretz, with a slightly ambling (but far from poor) appearance by Sam Worthington. The plot which surrounds the disappearence of girls from the area over the course of several decades is an intriguing one (it is tenously based on real life events) but it is never really made clear whether there is any connection in the crimes of if they are just a serious of opportunistic killings which take advantage of the suitably abandoned old oil fields. The marshy land, along with the plethora of hungry wildlife would mean that a body would not take too long to disappear altogether.
There are a few sub plots which tie the story together when needed but which also never really go anywhere. Maybe they’re not meant to, life doesn’t always wrap itself up nicely for us. It was originally pitched as a Danny Boyle project. Boyle, however, declined stating that the subject matter was ‘too dark‘ which basically means that it wasn’t ‘Oscar friendly‘, oh Danny, how you’ve fallen from credibility since those heydays of yore. From dead babies and Dr Who wanking in the attic to boring films about twats getting stuck in rocks and poor boy becomes rich boy vomit fests. The directorial duties were passed on to Ami Canaan Mann, daughter of Michael Mann of ‘Heat‘ fame.
She does a sterling job, creating a sweaty, tense thriller which stands out from the alumni of 2011 (which in this writer’s humble opinion was a pretty piss poor year for movies). Morgan is a fantastic burly leading man who needs to be utilised to far greater effect by the powers that be. He is a captivating and highly believable actor who really should be getting far more attention than he is. Watching him is like watching a mixture of Clooney and Downey Jr, except he’s a really good actor. Stephen Graham throws in a solid and creepy performance as well.
Texas Killing Fields is a worthy weekend watch, it will keep you (marginally) guessing and will definitely leave you satisfied by the end. It is also worth mentioning that it has an absolutely brilliant and haunting score.
It doesn’t feel right talking about John Carpenter the director without mentioning John Carpenter the composer. One of the most indicative things about his movies are the strength of the scores. Admittedly, some can be a little heavy on the guitar solos, but all of them are undeniably original, haunting and most of all memorable.
Number 5: First up, the opening theme from Assault on Precinct 13.
Number 4: The dystopian synths of Escape From New York
Number 3: The terrifyingly brilliant theme from ‘The Fog’
Number 2: My personal favourite: In the Mouth of Madness (feel free to air-guitar the crap out of this one)
Number 1: You couldn’t not mention it.
I have chosen to focus on the themes as somewhat of a taster. The full album soundtracks contain so much more. They are albums which I play regularly and love completely. If you haven’t sat through at least three Carpenter soundtracks, you have so much to explore. Up there with Badalamenti, Elfman, Morricone and Williams, John Carpenter is a master composer and the movie industry owes him a great deal of gratitude for that fact.
It’s John Carpenter’ birthday today. To celebrate the king of all things Halloween, it’s time for the Zombiehamster Top 5 John Carpenter movies (which you may not have seen).
Number 5: Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992);
Making an updated (1990’s) version of The Invisible Man was a risky move for Carpenter and once which met a decidedly lukewarm reception. It is a shame, however, as MOAIM has some thoroughly redeeming qualities. Chevy Chase for one, is his usual charming, likeable self whilst Daryl Hannah is perfectly cast as the femme fatale. It’s a departure in ways as it is a tense comedy thriller, but suspense is what Carpenter does best and his wit and inventiveness are clearly on display in this little seen feature. Like a neglected shelter animal,’ Memoirs…’ still has a little bit to offer before we banish it to the furnace and could probably supply you with some memorable, if not mirthsome moments.
Number 4: The Ward (2010);
After a prolonged absence in the wake of Ghosts of Mars (*shudder*) this is Carpenter’s return to form. A classy, well played haunting juxtaposed against an institutionalised setting in which paranoia and fear are already rife. This is a calculated and thoroughly refined horror movie which allows the viewer to appreciate the directorial skills of a horror master in full effect. The performances from the actresses involved are perfect for the movie and there is something comfortingly familiar about it all. It is quintissential Carpenter, yet is best appreciated after familiarising oneself with his earlier catalogue. If this was a cinemagoers introduction to Carpenter, it might be too easily written off.
Number 3: Prince of Darkness (1987);
This film is essential viewing for any horror fan, it features Carpenter favourite Donald Pleasence and Victor Wong (remember that old guy from Gremlins?) as well as Alice Cooper. It’s an apocalyptic tale of possession, religion and death, all subjects that Carpenter can examine in an inimitable and exciting manner. It refuses to stick to one particular genre and because of this has been derided by some, but for me, it stands the test of time as a great movie.
Number 2: Body Bags (1993);
Ok, so in all fairness, this has two directors, but when the other director is Tobe Hooper, then you can reinvest your interest my dears. This particular format of horror film has always been one of my favourite. Three separate stories linked by a ghoulish mortuary assistant (Carpenter himself) balances comedy and excessive gore in the vein of Creepshow, Tales from the Crypt and Vault of Horror. They are so easy to indulge in that I find myself re-watching this movie more than many others.
Number 1: In the Mouth of Madness (1995);
‘Do you read Sutter Cane?’
If this line means anything to you, then you’re all right by me. In the Mouth of Madness is possibly one of my favourite horror films of all time. It’s up there with From Beyond and Reanimator for sheer 1990’s excess and glory. It’s soundtrack (of course also provided by Carpenter) is beautifully over the top. Sam Neill gives a career best performance as John Trent, a man demented by the effects of Cane’s literature. There is joy to be had in abundance as the world degenerates under the influence of this particular example of printed media (message?). Cane’s devotees take on a zombie like demeanor as they destroy and maim all that comes in their path. I cannot express in mere words how much I love this movie. I will just have to bring you around, make you watch it and then gesticulate wildly at you for the duration thereof.
In closing, I want to wish John Carpenter the very best wishes for today, Happy Birthday sir, may you have many more to come.
Fright Night is a title which will spark a flurry of excitement in the hearts of horror fans of a certain age. It’s absolutely fantastic cover was one of the highlights of the section shelf. One of the things which I miss most about VHS is the cover art. They are making a small return to form these days but it’s usually the unofficial posters by enthusiastic independent artists which encapsulate the essence of the movie so much better than the hastily photoshopped montages (which seem currently ubiquitous) ever could.
The film itself is an enjoyable romp, but very much of the age. It wasn’t a movie which would herald cries of ‘heresy’ were it to be remade (I’m looking at you Evil Dead >_<) The odd pairing of David Tennant and Colin Farrell elicits enough intrigue for the casual viewer, whilst Toni Collette and Anton Yelchin are both very interesting actors in their own right. The latter especially has held my attention since his fantastic performance in the hideously underrated show ‘Huff’ which featured Hank Azaria in an all too rare leading role.
The plot of Fright Night remains relatively close to the original, a neighbour suspects a local bachelor to be a vampire. He is. Neighbour plans to kill vampire whilst dealing with the usual teenage obstacles which are no less prevalent in suburban Las Vegas than they are anywhere else. Tennant features as a TV illusionist in the guise of Kriss (as in ‘piss’) Angel: IE he’s a massive douche. He’s hilarious in it though, as wimpish and slimy as one would imagine such a character to be.
If there were to be a few irksome points mentioned, they would be the obviously made for 3D sequences, the actual lack of violence and blood drenched scenes (very few and far between in all honesty) and the running time, which overstays its welcome by almost 30 mins. You could do far worse that watch Fright Night, but then again, you could do far better as well.
Lloyd Bridges would have been 99 years old today. An incredibly prolific actor from the 1930’s onwards, he starred in over 100 Westerns, Science Fiction and Action Adventure movies right through to the 1970’s. It was in 1980 that one movie in particular, a farcical comedy by Jim Abrahams and the Zucker brothers entitled Airplane!, would permeate the name and image of Bridges in the minds of generations to come.
Father to Beau and Jeff, acting clearly ran in the blood. Later appearances in Hot Shots (also notable for including Charlie Sheen when we were all laughing with him) continued to showcase his comedic genius. As today is a Sunday, I’m sure that we can all find time to root out one of these classic comedies, or one of his earlier movies and remember fondly the man who entertained us and gave us so many quotable lines.
Revenge. As i mentioned in a recent review of Conan, it was the driving force behind many a dodgy 80′s action movie. Maniac Cop is no different. I will not insult your intelligence by overly explaining the plot (well, I mean, what do YOU thiknk it’s about?). What is important about MC is that it is one of the only non Evil Dead titles in which one can delight in the youthful vigor of Bruce Campbell, there’s even a brief cameo of Sam Raimi, back from the days when we cared. Campbell is his inimitable square jawed self, wrongly accused of murdering his wife.
It also features the fabulous moustache of Richard Roundtree (Shaft) and the equally enviable facial hair of Tom Atkins. It contains no real surprises but has a certain charm which makes you curious as to where they go with the sequels. The answer is to the heights of ridiculousness. The MC trilogy were a staple of bargain bins across the country and rightfully so, they were cheap, nasty and sloppily made. It just happens to be that they are all the better for it.
Exploitative in nature and crass in delivery, this walks a precarious line between horror and action remarkably well. It’s a classic of it’s kind, a glimpse into the trashy cinema that was abundant in the 1970′s and 80′s. There’s a stalk and slash formula, a zombie element, a police drama and a scummy portrayal of New York which shows a grimy, dark existence, far removed from the sanitized blandness of today. Maniac Cop is not only a brilliant piece of blood soaked excellence, it’s a God damn time capsule of greatness.
There were some true gems released in the 1990′s, especially in the direct to video market. Ticks (aka Infested), which saw the light of day in 1994, is most definitely one of them. The attachment of Clint Howard (Evilspeak) is a watermark of quality dirge for any movie, but the addition of a very young Seth Green and Peter Scolari is an added bonus of notable proportions. The icing on the cast list cake is the astounding performance by Alfonso Ribeiro as a homeboy from the wrong side of the tracks called Panic (‘They call me Panic, because I never do). If this doesn’t instill you with intrigue, then it might be a suitable point to bring up the fact that most of you will probably know Ribeiro better under the name Carlton Banks, a role which he played for years in the inexplicably popular show ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ I thought that might get your attention.
Ticks has all the staples of a cult classic, yet is rarely mentioned on compilation lists concerning the best genetically altered parasite movies. The story is so thin it’s almost transparent, yet it allows for some gloriously over the top set pieces and some genuinely impressive creature effects. One of the things which I find so endearing about films from this era (and in particular horror movies) is that this was the twilight of tangible special effects, ones which were painstakingly created by hand by professionals. This was a few short years before clunky CGI came to dominate the film industry and give films a standardized appearance.
There is a ham fisted ‘drugs are bad’ message to be found within the plot, in that it is genetically enhanced marijuana which has caused the mutation of the ticks that now run amok in a northern Californian forest. Clint Howard is one of the most notable actors in any genre, as has already been mentioned, but he gives a characteristically bonkers performance in this. The scenes where he flops upon a screaming teenager whilst screaming ‘I’m infested‘ over and over again will most certainly remain in your mind as you drift off to sleep later that evening.
Ticks is an almost forgotten classic and deserves your attention, as far lesser movies have come to prominence since. It features some brilliant special effects and monster makeup and some honestly hilarious moments and one liners. A perfect Saturday night B-Movie.
No one does trash like Roger Corman, but it’s a certain type of trash. It’s classy trash, it’s trash which you wouldn’t mind introducing to your parents because you know your dad would give you a sly wink even though your mother wanted her out of the house because she passed out in the….sorry, lost my train of thought there for a moment. Look, if you haven’t seen Frankenstein Unbound then y’all need to shut the fuck up and stop frontin’ (I think is how it’s put), for this is one of the most spectacular B-Movies of the last 30 years. When I worked in a video shop in the 1990’s, it was one of the films which I played regularly in store. There is so little about it which a sane man could hate.
Where to start? Well, how about a never-better Raul Julia? Ok then, well add John Hurt and a post Lost Boys but pre-Speed 2 : Cruise Control Jason Patric to the mix and you’ve got yourself something special. Yet, we are not finished, there is also a 1990 – era Bridget Fonda (and as any cinematic conneseur knows, that’s a prticularly fine vintage) and the plom de poo, a pre-hanging from his balls in the cupboard Michael Hutchence. Be still my beating heart, for this is what movies were invented for.
John Hurt is in the future, we know it;s the future because everyone wears silver and there are lasers. He has a talking car and there are strange children in his neighbourhood who bury bicycles and pray to strange gods. Through the use of lazers, Hurt ends up in Italy in the past. Coincidentally, around the time that Fopsy Shelly, INXS Byron and Mary Shelly are all bumming and sleeping late and writing poetry and slamming heroin and Paula Yates. In the local taverns, a dark figure lurks. It’s Raul Julia, who has just made the most unbelievable looking monster that has ever graced the screen. His monster is also fluent in the English language to an extent which belies his reanimated state.
He meets Bridget Fonda (Remember The Assassin? That was brilliant) and helps her to finish her novel by giving her a printed copy of it, the logistics of which are so mind bogglingly impossible that you will spend the rest of the movie wondering how that even works and will miss the climax. This is not only produced, but directed by Roger Corman and so you are in for something really special here.
I unashamedly love Frankenstein Unbound, I love most Frankenstein movies, but this one is a gem that slops amongst the dismembered body parts of a legacy. If you claim to love B-Movies, you have to see it.
I generally try and maintain a certain degree of positivity upon the good ship Zombiehamster. It is my humble opinion that there is enough negativity on the internet in relation to the creative endeavors of others and it would do my soul no good whatsoever to add to it. In that respect, I try to focus on the films which I enjoy and which I think will offer someone else an equal amount of pleasure. No one wants to be a sneering, pious critic, not unless you’ve spent the best part of your lifetime becoming an authority on your subject by actively involving yourself in it.
All that being said, sometimes movies can infuriate you to the point were you just cannot remain silent. I don’t refer to the Transformers 3 and MI4′s of this world either, they’re supposed to be terrible. The types of films that I simply can’t abide are the ones which masquerade as high end art which are convinced that they redefine the genre of cinema by the simple fact of their very existence. That’s just not on.
Sleeping Beauty is one such movie. It’s slow, it’s irritating and it’s a very, very bad film. It presents itself as an erotic investigation into something or other which really isn’t worth investigating in the first place. Emily Browning plays an incredibly unlikeable student who makes money by parading around in her pants at the least debauched party I’ve ever seen this side of Balamory whilst also making money from letting old men rub their old balls up against her bum while she’s asleep.
It is a torturous nightmare of a movie. It borrows heavily from the likes of Eyes Wide Shut, Salo: 120 Days of Sodom and most ashamedly, the work of Tinto Brass. It seems to regard itself as a heavily laden poignant piece of cinema when in fact, it’s something for middle aged men to pontificate about, using phrases like ‘stark cinematography’ and ‘solitary bleakness’ and then wank off to when they’re alone because they aren’t allowed to have porn in the house.
