Kick Ass (2010)

Because the world is crying out for yet another unsolicited review of Kick Ass I bring you; an unsolicited review of Kick Ass.

I was wary. There had been far too much internet hype about this one for me to approach it with my guard down. Scars still exist from the last Mark Millar adaptation, ‘Wanted’, but let’s keep this strictly above the belt for now. The difference between comics and movies is that a comic can be produced with as little as one or two people having complete creative control. Movies don’t quite work that way, there are sponsors, producers and studios to please along the way, most of whom know as much about cinema as the Cornish Mole People who were driven underground in Medieval times by the Saxons never to surface again.

So, like an absolute prick, I sat watching the opening credits with my arms folded, absolutely certain that I was going to hate every minute of this.

Boy, was I ever proved wrong.

It wasn’t long before I was whooping and cheering like a normal person at some kind of sporting event where men do things to excite other men. The script was genuinely funny, which was an initial concern, seeing as it was adapted by Jane Goldman’s breasts. Apparently they are more adept at screenwriting than one would imagine. Stardust doesn’t count because Stardust is the cinematic equivalent of playing with your sisters My Little Pony and having a better time than with your own toys. It might be enjoyable, but don’t bloody tell anyone about it soft lad. You’re Granddad didn’t fight a war so that you could sit around watching movies about faeries and sparkles and shite.

McLovin is fantastic as Red Mist, son of a rich bald baddie, who has lots of expensive British art in his apartment. There was a Mark Quinn bust in his entrance hall and a massive Damien Hirst picture in the kitchen. This is to show that the creators are CULTURED and KNOW THINGS ABOUT ART. I’m not being unduly cynical, they are, ask them.

Lots of pratfalls and teenage humour are rife throughout, but this adds to the tone rather than detracts from it. There is no point during the running time of the movie that you feel things have all gone a bit smug, or too clever for their own good. It is what it is, and what it is, is a hell of a lot of fun. It’s akin to one of those colour changing night lights that you give babies to help them sleep at night, the ones that fill the room with slowly merging primary colours and play nice music.

Speaking of babies; The Daily Mail was in a right old state upon the films release, claiming that it featured a ‘heavily sexualised and foul mouthed female child actor’. The furore was all over Twitter in the way that the discovery of an unusually discoloured dog turd would be all over Twitter (IE; Everyone coos and whoops for an hour or so until a minor celebrity dies, and interesting / funny news story breaks or a natural disaster happens). After seeing the movie, it was clear that the ‘foul mouthed’ scenes in question were all pretty much shown in the NSFW trailer. When she drops the ‘C’ bomb, it’s a little clunky and awkward, but that’s about it. As for ‘highly sexualised’? Erm, what movie were you guys watching? It’s a child, yes, in a superhero outfit. If that gets you off then you have some serious issues to deal with my friend. Also, no Joel Schumacher Batman movies for you, EVER!

If this is grounds for something being highly sexualised, then I think that’s your own shit you’re dealing with right there. There is absolutely nothing about her character that could be taken into a sexual context, unless that context is being created by your own guilty fantasies. I think that this says a lot more about the journalists in question than the movie itself.

There is nothing that would be on par with Luc Besson’s ‘Leon’ for example, in which a young girl misplaces fatherly affection for sexual attraction in a similar Assassin/Trainee scenario. Hit Girl’s mentor is her father, played by Nicolas Cage, giving his best performance since ‘Leaving Las Vegas’.

Kick Ass himself could have been played by anybody, but curly boy gave it a good shot and it fit in well with the rest of the characters (who were better).

I like being proved wrong, it stops me from ever getting an ego. Kick Ass was without a doubt, one of the most enjoyable popcorn movies I have seen in a long time and I look forward to the next one.

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