Human Centipede: First Sequence

I had drifted from horror movies over the last few months. Like an ageing player, I was losing the initial thrill of acquisition. Mundanity drenched routine left me hollow and uncaring enough to temporarily leave the game. That was it, a lifetime hobby, discarded. When I say a lifetime, I mean it as well. Horror wasn’t always the easiest thing to talk about with people. It was really only in the late nineties when pseudo postmodernist blockbusters began enticing the crowds that a true global interest was spawned. The following decade saw an unprecedented rise in adaptations, remakes and new offerings, until we truly were spoilt for choice.

This was a mixed blessing. On the one hand it gave hundreds of thousands of people like me a platform to share information, delight and expectations in relation to current horror releases. A few months ago however, I really felt as if I was losing interest in a genre which I felt had shaped my personality in many ways as a young man.

I felt a lifelong love slip away, and I was on the verge of thinking that it was for the best, for both of us.

But…..

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

I head heard whisperings of ‘Human Centipede’ earlier this year and I have to admit my interest was most certainly piqued. For the uninitiated, the synopsis is this:

A crazed German (ahem) surgeon, the leading authority on the separation of Siamese twins, has begun a worrying indulgence in a new twisted obsession. Instead of the division of creatures, he wishes to combine them in what he views as the next form of evolution. Early experiments are alluded to in the opening part of the movie where we are treated to a clip of the doctor staring lovingly at photographs of rows of Rottweilers who appear at first glance to be playfully sniffing each other’s bottoms. A grave in the garden inscribed to ‘My Sweet Three Hound’ suggests differently.

Que two American girls who have decided to follow the suggestion of a ‘cute’ German waiter they met for 50 seconds and attend an unnamed party in the back arse of nowhere. Guess what, their car breaks down in the rain and they need to find shelter. What follows is the tried and tested technique of absolute blind stupidity and lack of common sense leading to empathising with the maniac, as these girls are so unfathomably idiotic that you almost want them to be disposed of in unspeakably nasty ways. Inevitably, they wind up at the door of our beloved surgeon.

I don’t do spoilers and so I won’t tell you anymore than you will see from the posters or the trailer. I will, however, say that what follows is far more than the initial concept at hand. When I heard that it was about a mad German who in no way represents or resembles Josef Mengele and his Nazi experiments in any way shape or form, joining three people together, ass to mouth, to create a new and unique species: The Human Centipede. I wondered if it was all going to be based around the unveiling of the creature. This comes surprisingly early in the film, leaving plenty of time to develop the story, build tension and toy with our expectations.

Considering that there is much focus on the passing of solids from one body through two others, I found the film surprisingly chipper in tone. Dutch writer / director Tom Six has a clever grasp of black humour and utilises it to great measure. The tone is tense without being superfluously nerve wracking; it is mirthsome without being camp.

The only thing more delightful than spending an early summer evening in watching Human Centipede with the curtains closed is knowing that there’s another on the way. And another, as this is the ‘First Sequence’ of three apparently. Huzzah!

Human Centipede is possibly the best first date movie since The Hillside Strangler. It has also single-handedly reignited my passion and love for horror movies, which was something I didn’t see happening for a very long time. It’s good to be back, let the carnage commence.

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