A quartet of professors from the Erstrautzen Institute of Vienna recently approached me to take part in a study, having observed the goings on that occur on this very website. It appears that there has been progress made in the identification of a rogue genome that exists in quite a number of human mammals of my particular age.
The causes of this mutation are as of yet unclear, but its effects can be staggering and life altering for the subjects involved in such cases. Initial beliefs are that the genome’s origins are radiation based.
The thick tubular bulbs contained in 1980’s television sets contained a commonly used gas known as Carphoriclyde, the same used in early arcade machines. Unbeknownst at the time, Carphoriclyde was a far more organic matter than primarily considered, which developed over time. This allowed for an unprecedented assimilation of brainwaves and sonic frequency, ergo, the more that one was exposed to the radiation emanating from their screens, the deeper the effects resonated and penetrated the brain functionality. Permanently.
Carphoriclyde acts as a serotonin release; this is your brain’s ‘happy happy, joy joy’ juice. Its other, and arguably more damaging symptom is a distorted and unconventional perception of the world that surrounds the effected party. Structures of socio political normalcy appear jaded and confusion, often leading to feelings of isolation and disillusionment with the immediate and extrinsic environment. The result of this being that the effected party craves a serotonin release; this is a release that was prevalent in a certain time, when the Carphoriclyde emissions permeated the air we breathed like cigarette smoke used to in pubs.
The problem being, the last Carphoriclyde cylinders were last installed in multimedia sets back in 1996, and with the onset of ‘clean’ plasma and LCD televisions and PC Monitors, the effected found themselves feeling as if something was missing. Some unidentifiable charm had disappeared from their daily routine and victims found themselves searching endlessly for the feeling that they had lost and attributed incorrectly to age, misanthropy, life and growth.
Traces of this gas had permeated the images that were shown on the screens during this age of mass poisoning. This is why any individuals who were overly exposed are now in a semi cathartic state of dependency. They crave a brief glimpse of every image that they absorbed in those formative years, misunderstanding their true motives and attributing it to misplaced nostalgia.
This goes far beyond nostalgia. The images have carried with them, trace elements of Carphoriclyde, which is what draws the desperate soul to frequently seek out and publicly display fragments of a different, but universal past. A new generation of associated audiovisual material also contains a very mild, diluted form of the deficiency causing substance. Actors and directors, screenwriters and set designers, all worked as carriers, whether they are aware or infected in any way.
It rests amongst us, it infiltrates without detection, its hunger merciless. If any of you feel in any way like you could be suffering from Carphoriclyde Radium Syndrome, please get in touch with Dr Mattaius Graub, Erstrautzen Research Facility, 4566 876, Vienna, Austria. You will be contacted shortly afterwards and subsequently bundled into a van on a randomly selected night while you unsuspectingly sleep.
